God's Grace for the Storms
As Alfonso and I walk forward and try to figure out what our new "normal" is, we are continually reminded and amazed by God's Grace and how powerful it has been since losing Isaac and how God's Grace continues to carry us as we fumble our way through life. Our Life and emotions are still very up and down. I know in my head that this is normal for what we've been through and where we are, but my heart questions this and misses the even keeled days of past. We have many days of happiness, peace, and days where things seem normal again. We are thankful for these days that the Lord blesses us with. Then, there are days that sadness is present and just seems to come crashing in when we least expect it. It is easy for me to enjoy and cherish the days that are "normal". However, I am learning to cherish and learn from the sad days.
Last night, I was up rereading one of my favorite books (From Grief to Glory: Spiritual Journeys of Mourning Parents) and found this quote that I really loved back in October. To this day, it is the best way to communicate the ups and downs of my life.
Real grief is not easily comforted. It comes like ocean waves rushing up the sand, subsiding back, only to roll in again. These waves vary in size, frequency, and intensity. Some are small, lapping up around your feet. Others are stronger, they foam the water around you and cause you to stagger. Then there are the overwhelming waves with an undertow that can turn your world upside down and drag you out into the deep water. In times such as those, the mourner desperately needs an anchor. And, indeed, God has promised his people a blessing if they patiently endure. He has guaranteed the promise so that we might lay hold of the hope set before us. This hope is the anchor of the soul, and it is sure and steadfast.
So the last few days have been really hard for me. My heart hurts and misses my boy. I am overwhelmed with all kinds of crazy emotions. It always sneaks up on me. I am learning to rest in God's strength and Grace during these times of intense emotion and trust Him as my anchor and hope. So tonight, I am praising God that He alone is my anchor even when I am sad and feel out of control emotionally.
The pain is deep and intense, however, God's grace is still greater and deeper than I can ever imagine!
Hebrews 6:19
Posted in: on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at at 10:14 PM